71 Dresses In 71 Days: Week 5
This is Week 5 of my No Shopping project and, even more specifically, no shopping for my crack: dresses. I’m in a no-shopping fugue state. My reflexes are dulled. The terrain is unfamiliar. Dopamine must be produced now by exercise or watching Ben McKenzie wrestle bad guys on Southland. I could not be his mother! Okay, maybe his aunt or hot babysitter.
I just took my sanity in my hands and trolled a bad neighborhood for my addiction: the Boden website. Guess what they have on there … that’s fucking right, the new summer line of dresses. Here are a few for your perusal (this is not a sponsored post, rather a junkie showing you her syringes):
And there was more where that came from, people. I’m just going to pop right back over to the Boden website and count how many dresses they have for sale right now. If I’m not back in half an hour call my parole officer at 00-7 (yes, Daniel Craig is my parole officer … shhh).
(sound of static on empty internet connection because I’m not here … I’m looking at dresses … still not back … )
Okay, I didn’t buy anything, but I feel a little dirty. I counted 58 right before I blacked out for a little while, then came-to smelling vaguely like taffeta (yes, taffeta has a smell). But I digress. Boden has 58 dresses for sale right now. Yes, that’s a lot of motherf*&king dresses. But let’s put things into perspective. I have 71 dresses. You almost forgot that, didn’t you? Maybe you tried to block it out, like the time you caught your husband kissing his cat on the lips (I saw you with One-Eye Kitty, Henry. And so did the postman).
All of this to say … I will not be buying any one of Boden’s 58 dresses currently on sale right now.
Okay, yes, I already have 2 of them from before I started this No Shopping Project. So sue me.
But I’m not shopping because I’m only halfway through wearing my myriad dresses. My knees have never felt so exposed. They’re sick of being shaved every morning. They want a stinking day off just to hide in a pair of boyfriend jeans that I wear with the same casual glamor of Halle Berry. Minus Olivier Martinez. (sigh)
Here are my next 7 dresses for week five. Which one should I donate? (I almost wrote “donut” instead of “donate.” This is what happens when I don’t shop. Food fixation issues).
Below you’ll find my updated gallery of the first 35 dresses. Just 36 left. That’s just crazy.