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71 Dresses In 71 Days: Week 5

This is Week 5 of my No Shopping project and, even more specifically, no shopping for my crack: dresses. I’m in a no-shopping fugue state. My reflexes are dulled. The terrain is unfamiliar. Dopamine must be produced now by exercise or watching Ben McKenzie wrestle bad guys on Southland. I could not be his mother!  Okay, maybe his aunt or hot babysitter.

I just took my sanity in my hands and trolled a bad neighborhood for my addiction: the Boden website. Guess what they have on there … that’s fucking right, the new summer line of dresses. Here are a few for your perusal (this is not a sponsored post, rather a junkie showing you her syringes):

Sorrento Dress

This is the Sorrento dress which you wear while you’re in Sorrento, Italy starring in a French New Wave film where Brigitte Bardot plays your grandmother and Javier Bardem your sex mentor.

Fucking Sorrento

Fucking Sorrento

The following is the Selina dress which, when you wear it people yell, "Is it true you broke Justin Bieber's heart?" because they mistake you for 20-year old Selena Gomez even though you're 47, white, blonde, blue-eyed with a mild neck wattle.

The following is the Selina dress which, when you wear it people yell, “Is it true you broke Justin Bieber’s heart?” because they mistake you for 20-year old Selena Gomez even though you’re 47, white, blonde, blue-eyed with a mild neck wattle.

Here you are in the Lace Dress on the Amalfi Coast and you fit in this dress because whenever you wear it you can eat as many Trader Joes frosted Dunkers as you want and you won't gain weight.

Here you are in the Lace Dress on the Amalfi Coast and you fit in this dress because whenever you wear it you can eat as many Trader Joes frosted cinnamon Dunkers as you want and you won’t gain weight.  Also your arms won’t flap in the breeze when you wave.

And there was more where that came from, people. I’m just going to pop right back over to the Boden website and count how many dresses they have for sale right now. If I’m not back in half an hour call my parole officer at 00-7 (yes, Daniel Craig is my parole officer … shhh).

(sound of static on empty internet connection because I’m not here … I’m looking at dresses … still not back … )

Okay, I didn’t buy anything, but I feel a little dirty. I counted 58 right before I blacked out for a little while, then came-to smelling vaguely like taffeta (yes, taffeta has a smell). But I digress. Boden has 58 dresses for sale right now. Yes, that’s a lot of motherf*&king dresses. But let’s put things into perspective. I have 71 dresses. You almost forgot that, didn’t you? Maybe you tried to block it out, like the time you caught your husband kissing his cat on the lips (I saw you with One-Eye Kitty, Henry. And so did the postman).

All of this to say … I will not be buying any one of Boden’s 58 dresses currently on sale right now.

Okay, yes, I already have 2 of them from before I started this No Shopping Project. So sue me.

But I’m not shopping because I’m only halfway through wearing my myriad dresses. My knees have never felt so exposed. They’re sick of being shaved every morning. They want a stinking day off just to hide in a pair of boyfriend jeans that I wear with the same casual glamor of Halle Berry. Minus Olivier Martinez. (sigh)

Here are my next 7 dresses for week five. Which one should I donate? (I almost wrote “donut” instead of “donate.” This is what happens when I don’t shop. Food fixation issues).

Dress #29pic

Dress #29 A lovely Boden wrap dress. My tummy loves a good, camouflaging wrap dress.

Dress #30 - it's been blustery and cold in LA so this Boden number worked very well with a pair of boots.

Dress #30 – it’s been blustery and cold in LA so this Boden number worked very well with a pair of boots.

Dress #31 This dress had bad reviews on the Boden site, but it was drastically slashed price wise and I couldn't resist the pockets.

Dress #31 This dress had bad reviews on the Boden site, but it was drastically slashed price wise and I couldn’t resist the pockets.

Dress #32 -- believe it or not this ISN'T from Boden.  I belive it was a White House Black Market purchase.

Dress #32 — believe it or not this ISN’T from Boden. I belive it was a White House Black Market purchase.

Dress #33 This is from blah blah blah.  I've always really liked the color and it's super comfortable. But will show bloating on my off days.

Dress #33 This is from Banana Republic. I’ve always really liked the color and it’s super comfortable. But will show bloating on my off days.

Dress #34 Another Boden this is more comfortable than jeans and tennis shoes.  I can clean toilets in this baby.

Dress #34 Another Boden.  This is more comfortable than jeans and tennis shoes. I can clean toilets in this baby.

A notch-neck from Boden that I love.  It's a little tight so I'm wearing it today to stop eating macaroons.

A notch-neck from Boden that I love. It’s a little tight so I’m wearing it today to resist eating macaroons.

Below you’ll find my updated gallery of the first 35 dresses.  Just 36 left.  That’s just crazy.


20 comments

Write a comment
  1. Carpool Goddess
    Carpool Goddess 19 April, 2013, 11:25

    This is impossible! You look great in all of them.

    Reply this comment
  2. Trina
    Trina 19 April, 2013, 11:41

    Wow beautiful dresses! I had never heard of Boden before this post. But since I’m addicted to wearing dresses, I may have to check it out.

    Reply this comment
  3. Megan
    Megan 19 April, 2013, 12:22

    I call dress 31. You make me want to buy more dresses- you look great in all of yours 😉

    Reply this comment
  4. Catherine
    Catherine 19 April, 2013, 12:26

    I love them all… I do not love you for introducing me to Boden (again) or White House Black Market… but you might just love me for this introduction: a clothing swap where you bring in your dresses and go home with… other people’s dresses. Okay, it defeats the point but you could go home with a coat (or jeans and blouse) instead: Give + Take. 1740 Ocean Park Blvd., Santa Monica, CA 90405. http://giveplustake.com/

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 19 April, 2013, 19:07

      Hi Catherine — I want to live in a Boden catalogue so I do apologize for infecting you with my madness.

      Reply this comment
  5. Ginger Kay
    Ginger Kay 19 April, 2013, 14:47

    I’ll cast my vote against #35 since it is a bit tight.

    Reply this comment
  6. AnnW
    AnnW 19 April, 2013, 15:43

    No. 31. Even though it is from Boden, it makes your hips look really big. Check it out versus the other pictures. I know you are tired of dressing up, but doesn’t it make you feel good to wear such nice dresses? Ann

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 19 April, 2013, 19:08

      Hi Ann — yes, 31 does widen the old hips. And yes I do enjoy dressing up. It puts a spring in my step. But I suspect when this project is done I’ll be wearing my sweats for a month straight. Or maybe my pajamas.

      Reply this comment
  7. Deborah Stambler
    Deborah Stambler 19 April, 2013, 16:02

    I thought you looked smashing (as always) this morning. So good to see you. My vote is #31. I’m not crazy about the floral print. I think the other floral is prettier.

    Have a good weekend my dear.

    Reply this comment
  8. Linda Chase
    Linda Chase 19 April, 2013, 17:47

    I vote you get rid of #31 but it wasn’t easy because they are all really cute and look really nice on you. 31 just had my least fave print, so it should go…or not.

    Reply this comment
  9. Zoe
    Zoe 19 April, 2013, 19:59

    I haven’t been of any help here because I’m still trying to get over how someone can have so many fabulous dresses that look so good! (That said, I actually like the print on #31.)

    Reply this comment
  10. Lisa Newlin
    Lisa Newlin 19 April, 2013, 21:53

    Why are you doing this to me?! I LOVE dresses, and I love every one you posted.

    Every. Single. One!

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 19 April, 2013, 23:03

      Hi Lisa — it appears I am doing Satan’s work. One thing I’ll say. Taking photos of myself in all of my dresses has been great because I’ve pulled everything out of my closet and can now see what I actually own. For me shopping obviously has nothing to do with actual need. I have much more than I need. The act of shopping is a dopamine hit. But seeing all of these pretty dresses has helped me mediate that dopamine hit. I can look at my own “catalogue” of dresses and see which one will suit my needs. To feel pretty. To feel special. To feel like the day isn’t just an ordinary day but a mini-celebration. The hope is that after this project when I need to be a voyuer in a more glamorous life I can shop the catalogue of my own closet. Crazy? maybe. But if it works I highly recommend it.

      Reply this comment
  11. Dorothy
    Dorothy 20 April, 2013, 10:30

    #31 makes me cringe everytime I glance at it, the print hurts my eyes…. However, I love your dresses. It makes me want to go dress shopping, and I hate wearing dresses!

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 21 April, 2013, 10:41

      Dorothy you crack me up. If 31 is a cringer it has definitely GOT TO GO!

      Reply this comment
  12. Nicole
    Nicole 21 April, 2013, 06:40

    #31 goes. The rest look fab on you. I love Boden, also but wish they had longer choices this season. I am currently in a maxi dress/skirt shopping craze as I am rehabbing my ACL replacement and trying to camouflage my lovely leg brace. Love all of your dresses, though. It’s tough letting go of good ones, I bet!

    Reply this comment
  13. Donna
    Donna 21 April, 2013, 16:16

    I agree that #31 is the one to donate out of this group. Just don’t care for the scale of that print. I love #34 and the fact that is comfortable too is a bonus. For me a dress + leggings is more comfortable than pants/jeans. Just a suggestion on possibly getting rid of more dresses- some of them are very similar to one another. Even though most of them look fantastic on you, you could use redundancy as a criterion for donation. Finally, the yellow lace one from Boden that you show here is fab. I got their catalogs briefly but never bought anything because it seemed to expensive to me. I don’t want to learn that they have 75% off sales!

    Reply this comment
  14. Donna
    Donna 21 April, 2013, 16:33

    Ok, just went to their website and only looked at the dresses. Still to $ for me, so it is safe for me to look 🙂

    Reply this comment
  15. Donna
    Donna 21 April, 2013, 16:34

    *too*

    Reply this comment

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