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2 Tricks To Not Feel Fat And Old
July 23rd, 2012
I blog frequently about Body Image. In one of my posts Love. Your. Body. Now. using the juxtaposition of nudes I took in my 20s with nudes I took in my 40s, I seem to’ve finally accepted the way my body is now. It’s true that taking nudes at 46 in duplicate postures to the ones I took at 26, did give me a new sense of appreciation for the body I”m in today and genuinely convinced me to never get back down to the 120 lbs I weighed back then. That isn’t a healthy weight for a woman my age.
But…
Maintaining what I have, I’ve realized isn’t as effortless as I initially thought it would be. No, the body continues to age. Just when you get comfortable in one spot, your body willfully changes again. That metabolism you thought couldn’t get any slower suddenly craps itself like Julie Moss at the finish line of the Kona Ironman.
It’s frustrating, embarrassing, irksome and just plain shitty. But we’ve got to keep running through the poop.
My constant self-appraisal is like a lot of addictions, I have to take it one day at a time. My goal for today is to only look in mirrors when absolutely necessary.
Like when you’re having a seance and you need to know if your dead Aunt Maureen is standing behind you wielding a battle ax.
Or when you have an unexpected lunch date with George Clooney and need to do a perimenopausal whisker sweep.
Or when you don’t want to look directly into your mother-in-law’s eyes and need to use the mirror as a buffer.
Or when you think you may have sat on bird guano before refereeing a pack of socially merciless Girls-Under-12 AYSO soccer players.
Or when you need to see if your boobs are even.
Other than that I am not looking into a mirror.
I’ve also decided that I’m going to think I look good in all photographs. Even the ones where my arm flesh looks like marbled beef. Or where my over-zealous chin seems to bleed out of frame all the way into Bangladesh. (My chin could bridge the gap at Camp David). I am going to look at all photographs of me and KNOW in my very bowels that regardless of what I see–in two years–I will think I looked marvelous. No matter how hideous I thought I looked I invariably think, “Hey, that’s not bad.”
Except for maybe this picture:
- 13 is a cruel mistress.
Or this one…
- Sofia Vergara couldn’t look good in those shorts!
So for the remainder today, and maybe one day at a time for the rest of my life, less mirrors, no judging my photographs. I’ll judge yours of course. I have to have something to live for. But mostly I’m just going to keep running through the poop.
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That is so true- I always look back at old pictures and think they’re not that bad, but at the time they’re taken? I’m usually horrified. Another great post about body and image acceptance my friend!
Thanks Miss Desiree. BTW will you be at BlogHer this year?
Unfortunately no, I will not be at blogher this year. If I was, I would hunt you down squeeze your boobs and buy you a drink or ten.
I’d let you but my boobs are cysty. Ahh perimenopause.
You were super cute at 13, and is it weird that I think you look good in that black and yellow soccer outfit?
It is weird you think my saggy bumblebee look is attractive. We were meant for each other!
Pictures are still hard for me. I used to love to have my picture taken. Now it’s entirely possible that someday people will believe I died in my 30s.
Menopause is a harsh mistress and she brings a suitcase full of extra ‘you.’
Yes. I seem to have disappeared from all of our family vacations.
Oh my, I know exactly what you mean. I always think you look fantastic in your pictures and wonder if you practice in front of a mirror, or if I should so I look halfway decent.
I’ve decided instead of not looking into the mirror I’m going to buy a skinny mirror. You know the kind I’m talking about.
does sofia vergara wear shorts or pants, and whats she look like, havent made it past her ample talent.both of them..
Ha!
Thanks so much. I mean, I know I shouldn’t compare myself to other women or even my younger self, but that doesn’t stop me. Ah, well, I am beautiful the way I am. I think.
I waffle back and forth as well. But waffles are delicious!
I definitely like old pictures of me more now than I did when they were taken. I think it is natural to be most critical of the current version of ourselves. I am working more and more to be comfortable with the aging me but I do miss those perky boobs…
Me too!
easier said than done!
Yes. Sigh.
Shannon at 13 you were totally Brooke-Shields-gorgeous! And you look completely adorable in the “saggy bumblebee” outfit — you look like you are about to take off and participate in family, life, fitness, fun, the outdoors — it will be a photo you LOVE when getting from your rocking chair to your recliner takes a 10-minute psych-up session fueled by chocolate and knitting needles… or somthing. Anyhow, just trying to say you are gorgeous in any and every manifestation!
Brook Shields?? You are too kind. I think I look a little more like Simon Cowell (no upper lip), but this comment causes me to feel undying devotion for you.
Not looking in mirrors and finding yourself beautiful in photographs these are two very big challenges for me to try and undertake. I’m a person who requires a lot of outside affirmation, so i’m trying hard to focus on finding myself beautiful without needing to be told so by someone else!
Marta you look mahvelous!
How is it that you always look fabulous?
Shelby — send me a link to your afters, I demand it!!
Thank you for posting this today. I was just starting at myself in video and my eyes are so droopy I look like Peter Falk in Columbo. No more looking at myself.
I love Peter Falk!
Yeah… starting to notice how when I look at myself in pictures my eyes look older. Next stop is eye cream. You know that one I’ve been buying for YEARS, but never seem to get the chance to use but am always reminded by my husband that we are out of. yeah that one. Apparently I need to buy two jars of it.
My husband’s been using my magnifying mirror to trim ear hair. Shhh.
I recognize those eyes and smile anywhere. You look great in your short! You’re going to need to follow this up with tips to stay youthful looking. You look great!
If I never see those ref shorts again it’ll be too soon. I switched them out for some of my own that are a bit sassy.
I definitely see the signs of aging when I look at myself in the mirror and look at old pictures of myself. The only ones I definitely could stand to never look at again are the ones from my awkward teen years
I was just telling the hubster that I need botox. Oh, how time has flown by.
I’m still able to frown but have a hard time touching my toes.
Okay. I used to find you funny but now you’ve gone off the deep end, posting a photo of yourself as a 13 yr old. Hire a trainer, get some nutrition counseling. Focus on what your body can DO, not what it USED to look like. Or you can whine and mourn over the lost elasticity in your skin and write and post and hope other whiners commiserate or give you a cheery Oprah-brand thumbs up. Take charge of yourself. Are you going to spend the rest of your life mourning your youth? What a waste.
Hi Mari — it sounds like you’re a little sick of me. I get it, I get sick of myself sometimes too. I’m blogging about first world problems. But I try to give myself a break because I think a lot of human thinking is beyond our control. There are these little obsessive compulsive habitrails and grooves that have been worn into our brains that are incredibly difficult to derail. I also think it’s very difficult for us to see our own grooves. Intellectually I recognize I’m fortunate to be healthy and attractive at my age as most people in the world don’t have the quality of life I enjoy. Having said that, body image will always be a sticking point for me. It’s my little bit of OCD.
I love your suggestion of concentrating on what my body can do. That sounds like a really healthy replacement for neurosis. So I think thanks to your tough love one of my next posts will be about what my body CAN do. xo S
Also, I wouldn’t be 13 again if you paid me the big money. I’m so much more confident in my own skin than I was then.
That would be awesome. You are so funny and poignant when you’re not talking about how saggy and old you are. If you did look like you were in your 20′s you would be creepy and the other soccer moms would hate you anyway.
btw, my husband wears that same uniform. The first thing I did at his first game is send the photo of him in all his knee sock glory to his frat brothers. We are still married 7 years later.
Thank’s for sharing this. I was looking to find something like this so I can help a friend!
Oh, I hope it’s helpful.
Hmmm…I’m not so sure about your first paragraph. I’m 55 and have weighed 120 lbs. since I was 21 – and I have been on bioidentical hormone replacement for a year now. Haven’t gained a single pound, actually. I’m 5’7 and I think 120 is a very healthy weight for a woman my age and height. I move around just as much as I did when I was 20, but I do it differently; instead of discoing the nights away, I get on my treadmill or recumbent bike for 1.5 hours every day. Not moving and slowing down is not an option if you want to maintain your weight and subsequently your physical (and mental) health.
Hi Xtine — YOu probably also maintain a very healthy diet. I love to exercise. It’s my form of meditation and I feel as strong now as I did in my 20s. My sticking point is my diet. In a word, sugar. That’s my form of crack.
At least you’re smiling in that 13-year-old pic and don’t have a shag haircut and ugly glasses!
It’s annoying that going to the mall and buying new clothes isn’t fun any more. Why can’t they do something cool with the fitting rooms to make it fun for us again! Personally, I’m thinking turn off the lights for the changing part, then some flickering candlelight and a track of “It’s Raining Men” with cheers from the unseen audience, while a recording of George Clooney whispers “God, you’re sexy.”
Yes! Why are there no stores like this? For about 5 seconds there was this Gap-related store called Forthe and Town and their dressing rooms shaved a good ten pounds off you, made your skin flawless and rid you of all cellulite. Angels perched on velvet divans and harps began to play. George Clooney would sometimes arrive with a flute of champagne. Needless to say THEY went out of business and were taken over by Forever 21.