“The literary equivalent of a summer night, a good friend and a gin-and-tonic: Shannon is a deft writer; a natural storyteller with a wicked turn of phrase and frighteningly specific memory...”

Opt-in to the Shannon Colleary Communiqué to have both the Funny & the Wise delivered to your inbox weekly!

My Ultherapy Before and After Photos to Come!

Ultherapy Before and After Photos

Me no photoshopping.

Ultherapy Before and After Photos

Hello Beautiful!

Like Nora Ephron I feel bad about my neck.  By referencing Nora Ephron, an accomplished filmmaker and novelist, I’m trying to suggest that even really smart accomplished women feel bad about their necks and I might be one of those.

Should I feel bad about my neck?  Am I shallow if I feel bad about my neck?  Should I simply avoid looking into the mirror while direct sunlight illuminates my neck in its early stages of decrepitude?  Should I take up monastic tapestry weaving?  Should I become a Tibetan sherpa?  Should I fix the ozone instead of wasting a moment on my neck?

Oh, who am I kidding.  When I turned 45 I had a brow lift which I love like Elizabeth Taylor loved Richard Burton.  Illicitly.  Wantonly.  With no remorse.

So.  I’ve been embezzling money over the last several months from the family grocery fund and sliding it into a manilla envelope marked “Shannon’s Neck” in my desk drawer (let them eat canned tuna!) when I got an email from the managing director of Ulthera and I quote:

Ultherapy is a new type of non-surgical, non-invasive procedure for the face that uses ultrasound and the body’s own natural healing process to lift, tone, and tighten loose skin” and it was FDA approved in September 2009.

This was the exact procedure I’d been pilfering away our corn-nut money for.  A deal was struck.  The managing director of Ulthera would offer a complimentary treatment if I’d review it in my blog.

Initially I was thrilled, Henry might get a Father’s Day gift after all, but then I became suspicious.  Free neck tightening?  All I have to do is review the procedure either negatively or positively?  What’s wrong with this picture?  Seconds later I found myself on a site where there were women whose necks (and faces) had been destroyed by various anti-aging machines.  I began to waffle.  Then I ate a waffle.  Then I thought, oh what the hell just go in for the consultation.

Henry was kind enough to come with me.  He’s from New Jersey and he’s a man.  They don’t care about neck tightening.  Not their own or their wives.  So if he told me this was absurd I’d listen.  And then forget what he said and do what I want anyway because I’m Lucy and he’s Ricky minus the bongos and the accent (and hopefully the cheating).

When I walked into the offices of Dr. Rebecca Fitzgerald MD I fell instantly in love.  She’s originally from New Orleans and has a charming Southern drawl and says things like this:

“I get a lot of recently widowed women in here because a woman who buries her husband doesn’t want to see tomorrow’s obituary in the mirror today.”

And this:

“Ultratherapy is like Spanx for your face.” (I’ve already used Spanx on my neck to mixed results.)

After a good hour of explaining the science behind Ulthera I made an appointment to undergo the procedure on Monday.  There will be pain killers involved so that’s a plus.  I plan to report back here all of my findings.  Yes, I will be your guinea pig.  That’s my sacrifice for the greater good.  Please, there’s no need to canonize me.  A bouquet of jacaranda will suffice.  Onward and upward!

My Ultherapy Before and After Photos Are Here!



29 comments

Write a comment
  1. Rebecca Gallagher
    Rebecca Gallagher 14 June, 2012, 13:11

    Oh goody gum drops! I need- tummy tuck, lipo, waddle reduction, and maybe an eye lift. I too will siphon my Hamburger Helper money into a secret envelope.
    Good luck! I can’t wait to hear the results. do this because of you. Because, no one else feels you need a tighter neck, but it makes you happy. We like to feel photoshopped in every day life.

    Reply this comment
  2. Donna
    Donna 14 June, 2012, 13:15

    I am myself terrified of any and all kind of procedures, but am voyeurishly looking forward to reading your review. Good luck!

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 14 June, 2012, 13:43

      I’ll let you know. The doctor I’m going to was selected by Ulthera so my hope is they’ve sent me to the best.

      Reply this comment
  3. Caryn B
    Caryn B 14 June, 2012, 13:34

    Oy! I don’t know that I could do this but I definitely want to read about how it goes and see the results. The only kind of plastic surgery I’d like to get is a tummy tuck but I’m a complete chicken….

    Reply this comment
  4. Mari Reynolds
    Mari Reynolds 14 June, 2012, 15:02

    There are a lot of things I’d like to change about my appearance but not enough to undergo surgery for any of them. I don’t understand how anyone could let someone stick foreign objects in their bodies to look “perfect” or have someone slice them up to smooth out wrinkles. And I live in Orange County. Good luck though. I hope you don’t die or look hideous afterwards. Seriously. To each their own, I just don’t understand it. (I probably belong in Vermont.)

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 14 June, 2012, 15:55

      Mari — the “I probably belong in Vermont” cracked me up. I’m with you on “to each their own.”

      Reply this comment
  5. Nada
    Nada 14 June, 2012, 17:22

    OMG Shannon, thank you, I thought I had to be the guinea pig on this one. I almost had the procedure done on my frown line and chin but I chickened out last minute. Can’t wit for your report!! Although u probably won’t see full results for another three months. Let me know how bad the pain is! Greetings from Beirut!

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 14 June, 2012, 19:45

      Beirut? Yes, I will let you know how it goes. I’m judging myself for being a vain cow, but I’m also tempted.

      Reply this comment
  6. Jennifer
    Jennifer 14 June, 2012, 17:23

    I’ve never had plastic surgery…yet. I’m scared of doctors as it is. But the deeper into my 40’s I get, the more my wrinkles and sags compete with my fear for attention. I’m not kidding: Please tell me how this goes. I will file the info away for consideration.

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 14 June, 2012, 19:48

      I will be entirely forthcoming. I was quite reticent regarding any cosmetic procedures until I went to my GP two years ago to get the okay to undergo my brow lift. I thought he would chastise me for putting myself at risk, but he did quite the opposite and told me that half of the people in his practice had had plastic surgery and were happy with the results. I began to think I could have my cake and could eat it too. We shall see.

      Reply this comment
  7. Ciaran
    Ciaran 14 June, 2012, 21:12

    I’d like to Ulthera my entire body from the neck on down please.

    Reply this comment
  8. Yvonne Condes
    Yvonne Condes 15 June, 2012, 00:07

    Thank you for taking one for the team. Let me know how it is!!

    Reply this comment
  9. Jana Memel
    Jana Memel 15 June, 2012, 08:38

    I am going to be holding my breath and waiting for results. I hate my turkey neck. Don’t know who all this extra skin belongs to but you could make a purse out of it. If this works, I am going to be scoring parking lots for lose coins to save up.

    Reply this comment
  10. Caryl
    Caryl 15 June, 2012, 09:51

    You’re not a vain cow. You’re doing this for the greater good. Sheesh ;o)

    Reply this comment
  11. Carol D
    Carol D 15 June, 2012, 11:55

    I’m so excited that you are having this done. I’ve been really thinking about the brow lift thing. You look great, but I’m with you on the procedures to make you look better and feel better about yourself. Thanks for being such a brave soldier and doing it so I’ll know about it!!

    Reply this comment
    • Shannon
      Shannon Author 15 June, 2012, 14:15

      Hi Carol — I’m pleased to be the guinea pig. I feel like I’m in excellent hands.

      Reply this comment
  12. Kimberly
    Kimberly 16 June, 2012, 10:13

    I hope you love the results! Keep us posted!

    Reply this comment
  13. world peace
    world peace 3 October, 2012, 09:59

    naturally like your website but you need to test the spelling on quite
    a few of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling issues and I to find it very bothersome to
    tell the truth however I’ll definitely come again again.

    Reply this comment

Write a Comment

Your e-mail address will not be published.
Required fields are marked*