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Oprah called and then I cried…
April 11th, 2012
It happened. Today on this very day as I sat hunched over in my little writing mole hole my cell phone rang. Huh. Weird area code. Chicago. Who do I know in Chicago? Frank Nitti? Al Capone? Johnny Torrio? All sleeping with the fishes. Nuthin’ ta worry about, boychick.
So I answer. ”Hello,” said a lovely girlish voice, “my name is – (I FORGET BECAUSE I BLACK OUT) – from Harpo Studios.”
“Harpo Studios?” I squeak. ”You mean …. (invoking the name of the Messiah) Oprah?”
“Shannon, I’m having an AHA moment, you are a genius meant for glory, power and greatness. Let me facilitate your world domination!!!!”
“Yes, that’s exactly who I mean. I came across a post you wrote about going to therapy with your mother. (Here. And here.)”
“Yes, yes, that was me … I’m the one from the fucked up family! Tell me which river to sell it down.”
She wants to know all about my childhood and my relationship with my mother and why we went to therapy together (don’t worry mom, I didn’t tell ‘em about the ex-con) and then she asks me how I feel about my mom now.
My mom and I are as good as on Oprah’s next show. I can feel it like a coachman waiting to help me into the carriage to prestige and magnificence.
“I’m two people when it comes to my mom,” I say. ”First I’m Kathy’s daughter. The one who is angry my mom was distracted by the monkey on her back — which is to say, men — while I was growing up. The second person is just Shannon, a grown-up who sees Kathy as not her mother, but a fellow traveler through life. A friend. And Shannon admires Kathy because Kathy’s mom was married three times and was distracted by men. And Kathy’s dad was overly critical and shaming. And Kathy survived one particularly nasty marriage to later nurse the love of her life – her last husband – for six years after he’d had a massive stroke. I could never do what she did.”
The woman at Harpo is silent. Listening deeply.
“Some days I’m still the angry little girl, but more often than not I’m the second person who admires my mom.”
“Wow, that’s really great,” says the Harpo woman. ”I’m so inspired by you.”
“Thanks,” I say, Shannon the Munificent.
“We’re looking for women who still have real issues with their mothers … and you’re not one of them … but it was great to hear your story.”
The Harpo lady bids me farewell. I try to stall as she’s my last slender thread to Oprah; the bastion of goodness and beneficence. Alas, the Harpo lady hangs up.
When I hang up I’m not sure whether to cry from disappointment or to cry for joy.
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Wow! I am so thrilled for you!!
Yes! But I’m not going on. But at least they know I’m alive?
I say cry for both. Lol. Joy because you were amazingly “normal”, to “normal” for TV as far as your relationship with your mom goes and cry because you missed your golden ticket. Had you just had a few more years of unresolved issues or just squeezed out one more emotional turmoil…you would have been HARPO gold. Like an egg from a golden goose. OWN would be making a movie Ala Lifetime about you. In the end though a a positive realization about your mother is better though than a movie.
I don’t know Loni — I think I still have time to mess that relationship up and call Harpo back!
Wow, what an awesome call to get Shannon!! But I feel your pain with how it ended up – cry for that definitely, but then, I agree with Loni, dry your tears and be grateful for the wonderful insights you’ve had about your mom – THAT’s 100 times better.
… but … but …. Oprah?
Wow! that is AMAZING!!! and you will always have the story! Remember that time that Oprah called! SImply amazing.. and Bravo they found you … that is not an easy task!!
Oprah (and her minions) are reading and discussing you. In my book – you have arrived!!! Whoop. Whoop.
But Jen — my arrival has to at least pay the mortgage!!
WOW, how exciting, in a pee my pants kinda way to have HARPO and potentially OPRAH on the phone! Yeah, I’d be crying.
But I would have to agree with the rest of your commenting friends, you have traveled long and enlightening journey with your Mom. Cheers to you!
I actually did pee in my pants. So close, and yet so far.
I’ve been reading and discussing you for months now. I don’t see a post about me anywhere on your site, dear:)
But oh! you exist in Oprah’s universe. You are so close to being made. (Of course that didn’t work out so well for little Tommy in Goodfellas, but you have a better sense of humor.)
Hang in there sister. I feel it coming!
Deborah — now i know what Friday’s post is going to be about. You, my love.
LMAO now you should write back with an alias and talk about your major issues with you mom.
I got strung along by Oprah show products for a YEAR….the final year of her show actually. It was my last shot I thought to see a show. I figured I had a better shot at being a guest than an audience member the way ticket lotteries were going. I was half-right….
They called me, followed up with emails- kept me going. I thought I was a sure thing. I was getting passed along to producer to producer. Actually, I hope the final producer I spoke to isn’t reading this. She is still lovely and I have stayed in touch with her on occasion (I don’t mean you Lisa!) – but yea, it’s crazy…keep trying. If anyone can get on, you can.
I should’ve known Oprah would have called you first!! Next I want you to go on Dancing With The Stars. I am now addicted to that show and GAVIN’S STILL THERE! God help him.
That’s the best story EVER. I would be telling that one to my grandkids in 40 years…”when I was a young thing, Oprah herself called me and asked me for advice…”
Oprah should have a show on all the hearts she has broken with these types of phone calls.
She’s a heartless wench she is. Perhaps if I started peddling drugs … hmmm
You know what? I’d rather be in your position — having traveled a difficult road, but past the hard stuff and relatively at peace — than to be an adult woman who still has such a fraught relationship with my mom that it is talk-show-worthy. I think you win.
Thanks jennifer — I agree. But still…
Dude, Oprah reads your blog. That’s the first step to a show on OWN.
From you lips Yvonne…and I love it when you call me Dude.
Hmm…that’s a bit painfully dismissive! “Thanks Harpo lady, for having a 10 minute conversation with me and thinking you are now able to judge whether or not I have ‘real issues’ with my mother.” Sheesh.
This is awesome!! You rock!
Oh man, what a high to have… and then the low when they hung up. Well at least they called
http://2bestfriendschubbyroadtoskinny.blogspot.com/
Hi V — I love the title of your blog. Going there now.
i would think finding a woman that doesn’t have an issue with their mother is a hella of a lot harder then finding woman with issues with their mother, goes for men with mommy and dad issues as well. I still feel guilt and my mom has passed. good luck
Thanks Joe!
Whether or not you go on, the fact that you got a call like that is pretty frickin’ amazing if you ask me =)
OMGGGGG!!! That was amazing! You so need to be on Oprah or write for O magazine. You write for so many of us. I love your blog.
Thanks Sandee — I don’t thing Oprah appreciates how much she needs me.
Yes – they know you are alive and are now reading your blog. Maybe they’ll do a show on naked women over 40. You are on their radar and that’s what I’m excited about. and that she loved your post. way to go oh talented one.
Kisses to you Cammy!
Amazing….and even more amazing is that you were able to resolve those issues with your mom….So so happy for you and all you’ve been doing….I loved seeing you on TV!
I didn’t love seeing myself on tv, but I wouldn’t mind if it brought me paid writing gigs. That lovely, elusive word…paid.