Don’t Open That Sundance Catalogue, It’s A Trap!
Monday Sins: Don’t Open That Sundance Catalogue, It’s A Trap!
(I’ve started a Blog Project. Every Monday I’ll report on the hand-to-hand combat with my 5 Deadly Sins: 1. Overeating 2. Frivolous Shopping 3. Sneaky Gossiping 4. Jealousy 5. Hubris, “excessive pride or arrogance.”
My goal: To vanquish these sins by Jan 1, 2013.
Today is about Frivolous Spending:
I keep throwing the Sundance catalogue away. Then it pops up again. First I threw it in my bedroom trashcan. When I was sitting on a different can it reappeared in the magazine wrangler.
After the flush I purposely threw it into the recycling bin under the kitchen sink.Then, when I got into bed there it was. On my nightstand, where Stephen King had put it.
In stark raving terror I marched it down the hallway and out the front door and into the bins outside. I dashed back in, locked the front door, turned out all the lights and set the house alarm.
I fell asleep with my eyes pressed against binoculars trained on the outdoor bins. Sunrise. I was roused by the sound of the trash truck lifting the blue recycling bin with its metal claw and tossing the trash inside into its maw. I could’ve sworn I saw the glossy cover of the Sundance catalogue with the blonde woman bedecked in the Palace Silk Double-Hem Tunic disappear into the trash truck with all the other detritus.
I was free. I wasn’t going to indulge my frivolous shopping addiction during this month’s cycle. These are the items I was fixating upon:
The Perfect Trapeze Pullover for $98 because it will so beautifully camouflage my tummy souffle:
District Boots for $178 because I didn’t become a film-school lesbian when I was in film school and better late than never:
Style In Check Shirt for $89 because I am a ranchy kind of girl even though I’m afraid to ride on horses and of how large their poop is:
The Sunrise Loop Belt for $70 because this belt will make my waist look as small as it was in high school when my boobs were a hopeful 32A:
Okay how much would all that cost? Let’s just tabulate…(sound of Jeopardy music while tabulating)…oh dear, that’s $435 now add shipping … 500$ … and tax … 1,120$ and you’ve got enough money to give cataract surgery to 1,000 blind Tibetan monks.
Or you could buy all this crapola, be excited when it arrives. Tear open that brown package like it were a delivery of the finest Colombian white and try on all the stuff like you were shooting a speedball into your arm. Then be disappointed when several of the items don’t look the way you wanted or are too tight in all the wrong places and you’re faced with sending them back and you fall into a shame spiral that causes you to watch TVLand until 2 a.m. while inhaling spam with Cheeze Whizz.
Or. You can just … not buy all that crapola.
So far (and I have been negotiating with myself about buying just one item…just one) I have not succumbed. Here is what I am doing in an attempt to replace my urge to buy with something else. I am choosing items in my closet that I haven’t worn in over a year and I am wearing them. I found a top from Banana Republic in my closet last night that I had no idea I owned. I wore it out and I looked marvelous.
I’ve made a deal with myself that after I’ve worn every single item of clothing and jewelry that I own at least once then I can buy myself a new outfit. The outfit can be a complete outfit; including a top, bottom, jewelry, undergarments and shoes.
Here’s the catch.
I don’t think I can possibly wear everything in my closet once for at least a year. So this should be interesting and I promise full disclosure.
Tomorrow I will start canceling all of my catalogues. Just the thought of doing that leaves me feeling panicky, like somehow I’ll never be able to purchase things from Boden or the Sundance catalogue ever again. That I might miss some one-of-a-kind thing that would somehow change my life. Or that Robert Redford will decide to stop being my secret mistress. Well, sacrifices must be made (sorry Bob) so here we go …
(P.S. When I opened the refrigerator door this morning the Sundance catalogue was in the fruit drawer where Dean Koontz put it)
What do you do to stop compulsive spending…?